What is Dipper Pines watching on the tele?
by gravityfalls456
Summary: Story is not serious, and should not be taken seriously. If Dipper were age progressed virtually he would look like Jerry Springer. Inspired by Friday, March 28 2014 episode of Springer.
1. Dipper Discovers a new Found Love

Dipper Pines was watching television, when suddenly, he goes by a show he has never seen before. "The Jerry Springer Show? Never seen that before..." Dipper thought. He stopped on it, but it was on a commercial for a local car lot selling a 1995 pickup truck for 50 dollars a month at faaaaamily auto mart well see ya here. When that went off the show came back on. The show has very little yellow on it so his Gruncle Stan's standard definition TV had no problem displaying this program. "JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY WHOOA hey welcome back to the show my guests today say they have more than a family relationship with their siblings, welcome Tashiniqua to the show, she says she is in love with her boyfriend and her brother, Tashiniqua what's going on?" Dipper was quickly catching on to what this show was about, he thought about changing but couldn't. He liked the idea of a woman being in love with her brother as he had similar feelings for his sister Mabel. Sure, he liked Wendy, but he was around Mabel so much that it was hard not to make that booty call. Dipper was snapped out of his daydream at the sound of someone coming down the stairs. He looked at the TV and noticed that there was a walrus on a stripper pole showing it's udders. While they were censored, Dipper felt as though this would not be appropriate for whoever was coming to see him viewing. He changed to the next channel up, which was a cartoon about a duck or something. "WHATCHA WATCHIN DIAPER?" Mabel obnoxiously yelled in Dipper's face, as she always did. Mabel regularly called Dipper diaper because of the two words' similar spellings. Relieved that it was just Mabel, Dipper nonchalantly went back to the show he was previously viewing. "Some show I just found, it's ok I guess," he said. "LOOKS BORING I'M BORED LET'S DO SOMETHING," Mabel continued to yell just as she always did, acting as if she were a mentally challenged 4 year old. Perhaps a mentally challenged 12 year old. "Ok," Dipper said blandly, as if he had just won the lottery and didn't know what to say. The two went up to their room, which they shared, and sat on the floor and tried to think of something to do. "LET'S WATCH TV" the two then went downstairs and turned on the TV, two men were on the floor fighting. There was no audio except for a high- pitched beeping sound, which seemed to snap Mabel out of her trance. "Huh? What? Oh. I'm back. Thanks Dipp," Mabel was now her normal self again. A few hours earlier she had eaten some sort of candy, which made her go bat crap insane. Everyone was used to it, even the guests to the Mystery Shack (after all, it was the same people every day). Mabel then noticed what was on the TV before her. She had never seen anything like it before. Well maybe except for baseball. There were people going at each other, only to have large bald men pull them away at the last moment. One of the man then took a chair and threw it at the other. Then one of the bald men pulled out a taser and buzzed his badonkadonk. "Dipper, what is this?" Mabel asked her brother. "Pfft, I dunno, some stupid junk or something I dunno," Dipper replied. Mabel couldn't believe her brother's appalling blood- thirsty attitude towards this program, and stormed upstairs and closed the door loudly. Dipper had become entranced by the show, and as soon as Mabel slammed the door she realized it. She had just been saved by it, and Dipper was in turn entranced by it's barbaric practices. Mabel ran down the stairs, almost tripping once, and back into the TV room. She quickly shut off the TV, barely noticing what was on it. It was a woman lifting her shirt up. Dipper quickly snapped out of his trance and looked at Mabel. "Did that show screw me?" "Yup." The twins then heard their Gruncle tell them to go to bed. The two went to bed. Dipper remembered liking Mabel, and drempt about her that night. 


	2. 9-11 is Synonymous with me

**Do not take this story seriously. It is meant to be taken as a joke.  
**

* * *

The next morning Dipper woke up early, and sneaked downstairs into the TV room. He turned it on quietly and quickly turned the volume way down. It was already on the channel he was looking for, and there was another show on. "You think you're so badass that you can hit your pregnant girlfriend in the head with a shovel? Yeah Steve I does! She call me names!" Dipper had obviously never seen this show before, it was different from what he was looking for. This was a large bald man trash talking another man, and in turn getting back-trash-talked. After only a short while longer this program went off and there was an advertisement for MR. LID- THE CONTAINER THAT HAS AN ATTACHED LID SO YOU DONT HAVE TO SPEND HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS ON TRADITIONAL FOOD CONTAINERS. After that went off there was a warning displayed, telling viewers that the content of this program might not be suitable for children. "Just what I like," Dipper thought.

The Jerry Springer Show was on, a tabloid talk show in which you might see anything from a man wanting to propose to his girlfriend, only to be revealed that she is in fact a man, to the host himself being mocked by the Ku Klux Klan for being Jewish. Dipper liked this show, but he knew no one else did. He knew no one else would approve of him watching it, not even his own sister, but that wouldn't stop him. Dipper saw the pornography of this show, but turned away. It was the violence he was after. Dipper did not realize what he was turning into. He was blood thirsty, he liked to see people getting beat up.

This episode of Springer combined two women and two men that did not like each other, and had many fights between them. At one point one of the men decided throwing one of the bar stools was a good idea, Dipper thought so as well. Then there was another guest on the show, it was just starting to get good, when suddenly a major news station broke in to present a breaking news story. They reported that an airplane had crashed into a building in New York. Dipper saw the live video feed of what was happening, and quickly found that he liked it. He imagined all the people who had been injured or killed, surely the number was in the hundreds.

He had heard of these huge buildings on the other side of the country before, but never imagined something as large-scale as this happening. Sure, he had the thought before of something happening there, an earthquake etc., but this was a surprise. Suddenly, just as last time, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. He decided to leave it on the channel to see what they would say about this incident. It was Mabel again, and she quickly noticed the TV was on, but didn't pay attention to what was on it at first. She came into the room to see who was up watching it, and, as soon as she saw who it was, she directed her attention to the television to see a most horrific sight. She thought it was a movie at first, but, as it stayed set on the same view and she heard the commentary from the news anchor she realized it was no movie. The camera from the news chopper might be set in "movie mode," but this was all too real. She saw Dipper staring at it. "Dipper?" Mabel said her brother's name, as if she expected a response while he was in happy land thinking of all the dead people. "DIPPER!" Mabel then slapped Dipper across the face, she high fives hard and this was no exception to that rule.

This brought dipper hurdling back to real life, like a stab in the heart, and he quickly realized what a sick sadist trance he had experienced. He wasn't really like that, was he? "I was in another trance wasn't I?" Dipper said. "Yeah, but never mind that, what IS this you're watching?" Mabel directed their attention back to the television set. "Oh man, is this live or is this something old?!" Dipper thought it might be something from years past that they hadn't heard about. "No, it says live in the corner of the screen silly," Mabel retorted. "Man, well, nothing we can do about it. Let's go do something stupid," Dipper suggested. "Hah, yeah," Mabel agreed. Dipper switched the TV off and they went off to do nothing n particular, just as a pair of 12 year old's should on summer break.


End file.
